I like Guster. Not soup.

Soup makes me angry. Many people enjoy it and use it to obtain adequate nutrition during meals. But when I’m looking for lunch or dinner, I’m interested in eating food items, not having a beverage with meat or vegetable chunks (known in U.S. culture as 'soup').




(hey look at this picture of something that is not food.)



"What about stew? What about chili?" I’ve been asked. Of course these foods suffice. There is nothing runny or unsubstantial about those foods and they are similar to soup only in that they are typically eaten with a spoon.

Cereal and milk is different, also, because, in that case, milk serves only as a complement to the cereal. “Would you like some cereal on that milk?,” no one would ever ask, especially if they are babies who have not yet developed the ability to speak and form words.

I’m aware of the existence of so-called “hearty” soups, which could arguably be enough to fulfill an appetite. I would argue that this is true, if there is a chocolate sundae and two slices of pizza in the soup.

Soup-lovers might say I just haven’t ever tried good soup. To them I would say “then why don’t you marry soup,” because that is a funny, funny joke.

Bottom line: when I am seeking to obtain nutrients and vitamins, I want to chew them. This is not to discount milk or juices or other liquids with nutrients and vitamins – just soup, because it pretends to be food. Thus, I would call it a poser. Also because it has a Mohawk and goes to punk shows but is really into Nickelback and Guster.