True Life: I drink Mountain Dew

In the world of soft drinks, Mountain Dew is your racist 24-year-old cousin from South Carolina who's into NASCAR and displays a Confederate flag on his pickup truck.

Is that crazy? Or do you know exactly where I'm coming from? I'll bet you do.


There's nothing inherently "classier" or more sophisticated about Coca-Cola products, but it seems as though there is some sort of bizarre class divide (or at least a perception of one) between Coke and Pepsi products users - though certainly with many exceptions.

I grew up on Coke products. But, about two years ago, I discovered the deliciousness that IS Mountain Dew. I drink diet, as the sugar content in that particular beverage is out of this world (making the corresponding calorie content too much to maintain my Barbie-esque figure) - but few diet fizzy beverages that I've had taste better.

The caffeine content in MD has got to be substantially more than that in other sodas - at leave the ones I've tried. For me, after a few servings, I'm ready to fly!!! Or least go for a run or furiously clean something or, oddly, write something. Lots of times, including right now, I'll feel compelled to write something punchy after drinking a large serving of diet Mountain Dew. But it's vaguely logical: caffeine is a stimulant. Stimulants enhance brain activity. What can I say? If you want to write Pulitzer-worthy colloquies quickly, drink Mountain Dew.

On the downside, caffeine irritates the bladder, so be near a toilet if you're planning to drink a larger portion of the green poison. One time I pee'd four times in a half hour after a 20 oz.

On another upside, however, it can encourage bowel movement. So I would recommend this beverage to my mildly constipated friends. No, I do not know this from experience.

OK - I do.

Still, because of my perceived stigma of it, I rarely drink Mountain Dew around friends. I never buy it in bulk - only from vending machines in front of grocery stores or Mr. Copy in a rush so no one sees.

So there's that.

My life is an open book. My drink is a diet Mountain Dew.