F to the I to the BERLICIOUS

Some treats I've only recently stumbled upon are Quaker's Oatmeal To Go. Put them in the microwave for a second and they taste like a brownie. They're full of fiber and dishwasher liquid, too, so one needn't feel "guilt" after eating, say, four in one day. I did.

I also stole school supplies from Iraqi war orphans and then sold them for money to get breast implants and I don't feel guilt.