The ULTIMATE granola bar showdown

Granola bars—are they a supreme food beamed directly from heaven’s snack pantry or evil devil sticks that give you syphilis? Below the floggers debate the issue.


Michelle says...


Granola BARen't you having one?

Why granola bars are good and therefore also why my argument is inherently superior to Joanna's:

1. Even the least healthy granola bars - those with chocolate chunks and high amounts of sugar – contain some amount of fiber and protein, which work to sustain appetite and promote bowel regularity.
2. Kashi Company CEO, supplier of whole grain and sesame cereals and bars, is bff with Jesus.
3. Granola bars are convenient. The majority of varieties are individually wrapped and a more healthy option than equally convenient snackeroos like fruit gummy snacks or candy bars.
4. Their deliciousness stems from their versatility …they can be sweet or salty, containing nuts, paper clips, seeds, and/or Mercury's moons.
5. Babies can eat them.

Joanna says...

Just say GraNOla.

Take a look at granola in its original loose 'n' crunchy state. Why would anyone look at that and say, "I want this to be made into a hardened, solid stick?" For convenience? I wish lots of things were more convenient, but I don't want them in a stick. Deodorant? Yes. Food? No. Take the Internet, for example. People wanted to be able to take that around in the palm of their hand, so they created smart phones. But have you ever tried eating a smart phone? Quite frankly, they taste horrible, with the exception of the Blackberry.

1. Granola bars are made of bird seed and birds poop on my car.
2. The KKK would often put two granola bars perpendicular to each other to form a cross and light them on fire as a scare tactic of oppression.
3. The last of the now extinct Pygmy Mammoth died after choking on a granola bar.
4. Nothing rhymes with "granola bar" so you can't write limericks about them.
5. Babies are stupid.