Smart choices made cheesy

Surely you've noticed the bright green "Smart Choices Made Easy" stamp on dozens of brand-name foods and bevs.

I started seeing them in the early 00s. Then, they were few and far between, rightly indicating vitamin and mineral-rich things for me to eat up in my belly.

Now, they're everywhere.

Seeing the stamp on Quaker "Breakfast Cookies" and diet carbonated drinks is like a smack in the face for those informed on nutrition. There's nothing naturally "healthy" about the sugary "granola" items or the pop, sweetened with fake sugar that is ultimately blamed for killing radioactive Sean Penn look-alikes.

The way to check if something is truly a "smart choice?" Examine the ingredients on the item's packaging. If there's less than, say, seven items listed, it's probably pretty good.

In gen, eating stuff the land makes is always better than the stuff people like your dad makes.

The smart choices stamp, designed with a white torso, from which its arms are outstretched in victory, is a marketing scheme. "I am eating well!" it seemingly proclaims, stupidly. I want to take that stamp, wrap it in a pita, and use it as a softball.

Don't eat schtuff because Aunt Tropicana or Cousin Nabisco tells you it's good. Nabisco never even graduated from community college and Aunt Tropicana is a suspected guest star on "The Hills" this season as Lauren's dog.