Cheesespread Panic

Time: Oct. 30 7 p.m.
Place: Ernie Pyle Hall, IU Bloomington, Ind.

All I wanted was a chicken sandwich for dinner.
Hence, I utilized an apparatus for transmission of speech to a distant point - telephone, as Germans might call it, to order food items from a restaurant.
The coversation with the chripy single who took my call went something like this:

Chick (pun INTENDED) who answered phone: Hi, can I take your order?
Harold McDarling (my pen name. pun INTENDED): Yes, this is for takeout.
CWAP: What can I get you?
HM: -
HM: -
HM: (starts laughing maniacally, thrusting phone toward confused and unassuming friends nearby)


This is a fine illustration of the phenomenon legitimized by Charles Darwin: order panic.

Often, food seekers experience a minor stroke whilst ordering over a telephone, sometimes resulting in a hang up, other times a perpetually hungry belly.

Luckily, Darwin proposed in his analytical works "The Descent of Delivery" a solution for order panic attacks:

Merely keep in mind that the person taking your order is probably poor and/or ugly.



I got my chicken sandwich.
Get yours.

The price of free food

The other day I walked into a public restroom stall and noticed a pristine looking Tootsie Roll sitting on the toilet paper dispenser. For a moment I considered eating this lucky find, but then I decided not to. Do you think I made the right choice?

almost almond (alliteration).

I'll bet something you're not aware of - in addition to the daily mealtimes of maggots and the year and location of the first women's suffrage convention - is the most delicious and blood-sugar-stabilizing snack available to humans:

Unethical sterilization surgeries.

Another good one:

Almonds!

According to www.nutsforalmonds.com and Dan Cheeseman, almonds

1. are full of antioxidants, or things that make peeps not get cancer and things

2. reduce the risk of heart nachos supreme attacks

3. lower cholesterol

4. are full of folic acid - for irresponsibly pregnant foos


Almonds - and nuts in general - are encouraged to be included in one's diet as a midday snack. They are also very effective high school track coaches. Like him:



I'm marrying an almond.