Everything you always wanted to know about butternut squash risotto but were too afraid to ask

Until I waited tables in a fancy-ish restaurant, I wouldn't have known the difference between risotto and the hunchback of Notre Dame. But now I embrace the creamy, ambiguous side dish. I recently tried this recipe via Wolfgang Puck via the Food Network. I know it says "pumpkin" risotto but the ingredients call for butternut squash, so that's what I went with, because why quibble over bulbous fruits of the earth?

It was timely to hack apart the squash and dispose of its unborn children. But the resulting baked and pureed squash rivals mashed potatoes in deliciousness and mashed-up-ness. I was tempted to eat it alone without adding it to its betrothed Italian Arborio rice.

It is possible, unfortunately, to use too much Parmesan cheese (Once you start grating a cheese mountain it's really hard to stop).

If you want to make a big batch and have it for several days, I recommend storing it in a French Cathedral.

It’s hot, it’s hot, it’s hot in here; there must be some chili in the atmosphere

Everyone seems to like their chili a very specific way. Soupy. Hot. On top of spaghetti. Covered in cheese. Without beans. Without tomatoes.

What’s wrong with these people?

I like my chili like I like my industrial waste. Thick and chunky. And I eat it cold. Yeah, I’m in the minority. But once I had a chili party and everyone thought my chili was damn good, even if they ate around the tomatoes or the beans.

My chili recipe that you probably won’t like:

Ingredients
Two yellow onions
Chopped garlic
Two large cans petite diced tomatoes
4 cans beans (any beans you want, really. Kidney, pinto, ambiguous “chili” beans)
Chili powder
Cayenne pepper
1-2 lbs ground beef
1 pkg peeled mini carrots
1 box adorable pasta (mini shells, mini bowties, etc)

1. Boil the carrots
2. Finely chop the onions. Prepare to cry.
3. Sautee onions with a few tablespoons of chopped garlic until brownish
4. Dump tomatoes, beans, and onion into large pot over a low heat. (Feel free to include natural juices. You’ll need them.)
5. Brown ground beef. Dump into pot.
6. Boil the pasta. Leave it al dente.
7. Drain pasta and carrots and dump into pot.
8. Add chopped garlic, chili powder and cayenne pepper to taste.